i realy want to have a kid. i realy do. im so afraid though that i wont have the patience and i will get frustrated. i used to with catalina. what if it were to happen again? i know mom will help me. i know she will be here for me. but im still afraid.
well today i have been living here for a year. i havent been kicked out. that is realy something for me. everyone usually throws me out and doesnt want anything to do with me after only a few months. i was so scared when i moved down that i would be hated, and im still here. i am so glad i am still here. i have gotten really close with my mom. she may not be my real mother but i sure wish she was. she has been here for me more then anyone else. and i will be here for her too whenever she needs me. i wish i could give her back everything she has given me and more. i dont really talk to mom much anymore about stuff but i dont really get time alone with her unless we go to the store. sometimes i dont want to talk cause i dont want to make her mad. sometimes i want to talk about how i feel but i dont want mom to worry or get mad. i dont knw why she would get mad i always think i will make someone mad. i have thought for a while that i was just messing things up and that i would end up having to leave. i dont know why i guess just cause my moods have been going crazy and i dont know what to do.
i think i am doing better with having gus around now, it was realy weird at first but now i am getting used to it. i am even considering him starting to sleep in my room but i have to get a bigger bed first. i am trying to spend time with him and talk to him i do think i am doing better about that. it just takes me a while.
so i have been learning a lot at work and i should be a manager. why cant anyone give me management? it really does get on my nerves at times i should be making more money and be able to do more. like getting the breaks done on gus's car and helping with the bills more then just the groceries
i gotta get to sleep