annaangel (preciousann) wrote,

  • Mood:

upset and venting

i feel like a total ass hole. im a bad girlfriend. mom suggested me tell him to go back to florida. i dont want him to. i do love him. i guess thats hard to see and thats my fault. i have tried to talk to him. yesterday for instance i asked him all day what was wrong and he kept telling me i dont know. what was i supposed to do. and then well i had a nightmare and i guess i flipped him out or scared him or whatever. i didnt do it on purpose. he can talk to mom and he can talk to lawrence but he cant talk to me. the reason for that i dont know. i have tried talking to him. i have told him several times if you need to talk to me say something. i cant read minds.
should i just say forget it and stay single forever? i dont want to but i dont know what to do. i dont like being touched all the time which i guess is a problem. i met him not that long ago and im sure he has a problem sleeping in the middle bedroom. i make him feel like shit. hes told me so on that one. i dont know what to do. what let him be all touchy feely with me all the time and just deal with not feeling comfortable? i just cant handle it all the time.
i guess he told mom that he doesnt even know if he should sit next to me or on the other side of the room. i dont mean to make him feel that way. but again why does he keep all this from me? why not come and talk to me. write me an email. do something. instead he waits til i go to sleep or am gone at work and talks to everyone else.
i dont really get to talk to my mom just me and her anymore cause he is always around. im not saying i dont want him around. i just wish sometimes i could talk to my mom without him being in the room. maybe im being selfish. i probably am.
the part that bugs me is he lays in his bed and right when i get up he gets up. like yesterday morning i woke up at 7. was gonna check my email and go back to bed. there he was. when i told him i wasnt staying up he left. but every morning when i get up for work he is right there. i feel like i have to have a babysitter or something. it drives me crazy somedays.
i dont make anyone laugh anymore its seems like. he is always the one cracking jokes and everything. which i guess is another thing that bugs me. sometimes i am not in the mood for jokes. he will sit here and make a joke out of everything. his little sound effects and thinking everything is funny. it just gets on my nerves at times. im sure i probably get on everyone elses nerves to but this is just how i feel right now.
maybe i should be the one to go away.
i help out a little but not that much. if he goes then there is no car to get anywhere and i dont know it just seems like i am doing everything wrong lately. its probably just me though. i dont know.
i just want to talk to my mom. i want to sit down just me and her and talk.
i should be quiet now i have already said enough.
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