September 2nd, 2010


sitting wondering what to do. i just want everything to be okay. i love them both. i just want this to work out. i dont know what to do. i mean am i suppose to forgive and forget? am i suppose to stay angry? help me. things just dont seem the same now that we are all talking again. it seems like i am losing a battle i shouldnt be losing. i work hard to make her happy.
i work hard to keep things equal. i just want things to be happy again. i want to know what everyone wants. i want to live my life how we were before when everything was okay. it seems like they are both distant. but i could be wrong. why dont i talk to them? because i dont want anyone upset. i want everyone happy and not angry or hurt anymore.
pregnant? maybe but who knows. hoping to be pregnant? yes and no. i just dont know where i want to go with all that right now. my dream is kinda been shattered but not really. i want a baby so bad and i know he does too. but i dont know if i can trust him again. i want this to happen i really do but i want to know he is going to be faithful from now on. i want to know he will talk to us if he has a problem. but can it be a guarentee? probably not. he says he got rid of the phone number but do i believe? i dont know. we werent here we didnt see him throw it away.
now things are just quiet. no arguing no talking no nothiing. everyone doing there own thing. its just not the same. i hope it gets back to normal soon. i know i pissed her off last night. i didnt mean too. just kept getting asked what was wrong and finally i said something and she got upset and that was not my intention at all. she thinks she shouldnt give him any attention at all. but thats not what i want. i just want things to be equal. i want her to have fun like that with me too. i dont know. am i asking to much? i need help. i dont want to lose either one of them. i just want things to be good.
maybe my thinking is wrong but its how i have been feeling lately and i hate it. i just want things to be normal again.
l love you both very much and hope things turn out for the best.
i dont want to lose either one of you and well i just dont know how to talk about it without hurting someone.
please if you read this come talk to me.
love you very much with all my heart. forever.

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