its been a really long time since i have wrote so many things have happened. i have moved several times. i have been in trouble with life, i have been in and out of hospitals and been put on many different medications to try to help with the issues i have. i have lost friends and made new ones. i have finally figured out that i dont belong in certain places or with certain people. i have come to the conclusion that meeting new people is not for me. i cant trust them anyway.
i have gone pretty far in my job. i am a manager now at mcdonalds and i love it. i love the people i with. my store manager is an awesome woman. she has been there for me many times.
i have also reconnected with an old friend of mine which i now consider to be my best friend. she understands how i feel and is trying to help me. she never puts me down and makes me feel like i dont belong even though i try so hard sometimes because thats what i am use to. my fear of being rejected is horrible.
i am going to georgia in the summer with my roommate and my sister. but until then every month i will be taking a three day weekend to go up north to see my friend elizabeth and go to her church. i know i need to start going again. i was doing so much better when i was going to church and i was living in georgia, everything turned around for the worse when i moved to south carolina and it just kept getting worse from there. i made some bad mistakes in my life and chose to go the wrong way and it has made my life very hard to live.
the state wanted me on disability they think i am not capable to work a full time job. they dont think i can handle the stress. i am trying my hardest i have to say its not always easy but i work through it day by day minute by minute if i have too. sometimes everything is fine and sometimes i just want to cry but who doesnt have bad days?
i live with a few people right now. i like it where i am. everyone is really nice and i feel like i belong. which is nice because i havent really felt like i have belonged anywhere in a long time. the only place i usually feel comfortable at is the hospital but i know its not a good place for me to feel safe and comfortable.
i will write more later.