February 22nd, 2004

going crazy

i want to hurt myself so bad right now. i dont know what is triggering this feeling. maybe its the nightmares. i dont know what else could be making me feel this way. i mean i love where i live and i like my job. so it has to be the nightmares. i dont think it could be anything else. anyways i guess thats all i really needed to say. i dont want to get into talking about the other subject again that does nothing but make me mad.

i took something

i used to have a lot of these pills and one night i got mad and threw them all out so i thought. well i found a couple. they usually mess me up pretty good tonight i am drinking which i should be but i cant help it. it relaxes me. anyways i took these pills too and now i am really messed up. i cant walk real straight. my legs feel like jello i dont even know what kind of pills they are. a friend gave them to me a while back and i take them to make me feel better.